i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
