I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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