She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
