A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
