Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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