I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
