I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
