Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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