just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
