I'm so fucking centered right now
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
