So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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