i will never coherently bang her
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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