This girl is more easily done than said...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
