All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
