you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
