dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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