she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I will pee on everything he values.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
