Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
