Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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