i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
