Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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