You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
