how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
