so that wasnt chicken after all
okay pat passed out under dana's car
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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