i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
