if you like me you must not know who I am
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
