I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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