i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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