dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
