she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So. Much. Porn.
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