Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
