And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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