You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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