My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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