you would pick up someone in the library
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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