Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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