If i come over, it means nothing
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
