I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
