She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Jerry, you need to find god
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
