ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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