i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
