My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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