The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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