It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
