last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
