Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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