bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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