I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
