Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
