Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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