Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
