How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
