hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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