she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
