"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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