I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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