Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
