Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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