you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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