Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
