I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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