I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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