just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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