Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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