I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
