who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
