I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
