I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Randomize
