God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
