Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
