no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
