When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
